Link Goes Shopping
by Plungerpal
Summary: Zelda takes Link shopping. Will he survive?


Link Goes Shopping

Disclaimer: I don't own either Zelda games. Nintendo does.

Princess Zelda was running. She hated running but she was running from the scariest thing in Hyrule: Princess Ruto! She was apparently really pissed off because Zelda had kissed Link. Ruto dove on the Hylian princess when BUZZ! Her alarm woke her up. She removed herself from her sweat-soaked bed and walked over to her huge closet. She opened it and to her horror- all her clothes were gone.

"Impa! Where are all my clothes?" The Hylian princess yelled.

"It's laundry day and all of your clothes are at the laundry pool. They should be washed by mid-afternoon." The sheikah attendant said.

"Mid-afternoon! Do you know what today is?" Zelda said.

"Tuesday?" Inpa guessed.

"Guess again." Zelda ordered.

" The Annual Hot Dog Cook Off?" Impa guessed again.

"That's tomorrow. Today is the day I go shopping with Link! Haven't you been looking at the calendar?" Zelda said, pointing at a calendar decorated with Bunny Rabbits, fluffy kittens, rainbows, and pretty unicorns.

"Well then, borrow some clothes from Malon." Impa suggested.

"Dress like a cowgirl? Ick. Everyone knows that I only look good in pink and white." Zelda said.

"You'll only have to where them for a short time. You can buy some new pink and white clothes at the shopping center." Impa said.

"Oh, all right. But it's only for a short time. Now to call Link." Zelda said and walked over to the ocarina and played Link's ocarina song.

Over in Kokiri Forest, Link was just climbing out of bed when he noticed his ocarina was ringing.

"Hey! Look! Listen! Your ocarina's ringing! Aren't you going to answer it? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Navi, Link's caffeine addicted fairy yelled.

"Yeah, hang on. Hello?' Link said as he picked up the ocarina.

"Hi Link! It's Zelda. Guess what today is." Zelda's voice said over the ocarina.

"Tuesday?" Link guessed.

"Guess again." Zelda ordered.

"The Annual Hot Dog Cook Off?" Link guessed again.

"Why does everyone think today's the Annual Hot Dog Cook Off? Today's the day you promised we'd go shopping." Zelda explained. _Uh oh. Last time I took Zelda shopping she emptied my whole wallet. And it was a Giant's Wallet too. I better make something up._

"Uh, I have other plans. I have to help Saria with her sage duties." Link lied. All he heard was a cute little giggle over the ocarina.

"What's so funny?' Link asked her.

"You're lying. You start to talk funny when you lie. See you in a few minutes. I'll bring the carriage over." Zelda giggled. Link hung up the ocarina.

"That was pretty low, lying to Zelda like that. Besides, Saria's going shopping too. Maybe we'll see her. Wouldn't that be fun? Remember the time you fell off the balcony with no pants on and fell right on Saria? That was hilarious." Navi chirped. Sighing, Link put his weapon belt on and mounted his Biggoron Sword and Hylian Shield onto his back.

In a few minutes, Zelda's pink and white carriage was waiting in front of Link's tree house. Link climbed down the ladder and climbed into the carriage. Inside he saw a girl his age that was definitely **not **Zelda She was dressed like Malon but had blonde hair.

"Who are you? You're not Zelda." Link gasped.

"Yes I am. I know I look different when I don't wear pink and white but I'm getting new clothes at the mall. Let's go!" Zelda explained and the carriage jerked forward.

In about half an hour, the carriage reached Happy City mall. Happy City was a small town just outside of Hyrule. To reach it, they had to go through a secret tunnel beside the Lakeside Laboratory at Lake Hylia. Zelda jumped out of the carriage and half-dragged Link into the massive mall where all people from ages 10-19 hung out. Upon entering the giant shopping center, a huge mob of girls (and a few guys) all surrounded Link screaming for autographs, kisses, and sex. At this, Zelda began to get very pissed. Without warning, she grabbed Link's sword and ran into the crowd shrieking her head off. The crowd ran away screaming.

"Now that that's over, let's go to the Gap!" Zelda said and began to drag Link to the Gap.

"But Zelda, Bob's Weapons Boutique just got a new shipment. I want to go get some weapons before they're all sold out.' Link complained.

"But I don't want to stay in these clothes any longer then I have to. They smell like cows." Zelda argued and pulled Link into the Gap.

"I like cows." Link said to nobody in particular.

In the Gap, Zelda instantly began to run around the store grabbing any clothes in pink and white.

"Hey Zelda. This would look good on you." A familiar voice said. Zelda looked around for the owner of the voice and found a cute little green-haired girl holding up a white miniskirt and a pink tank top.

"Hi Saria. You're right. This would look good on me. And this would look good on you." Zelda said and handed Saria a green tube top and miniskirt.

"This is going to take hours." Another familiar voice said. Link looked around and spotted Mido sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Hey Mido. What's up?" Link said.

"Huh? Who are you? You look like…. Him." Mido said, confused.

"Maybe because I am. It's me, Link." Link said.

Meanwhile, Saria and Zelda were trying to get a change room. Unfortunately, all seven million were occupied.

"Shit. I knew not to come the day before the Hot Dog Cook Off. It's always the busiest shopping days of the year." Zelda whined. Then, as if someone heard Zelda's complaint, a change room opened and Zelda ran into the change room.

After about three hours, Zelda finally decided on which clothes she would get. She got the outfit that Saria wanted her to get and a bunch of pink and white dresses. After they paid for all of the stuff (Which nearly emptied Mido and Link's wallets), the four tried to decide where to go next.

"Zelda, you have your new clothes. Now can we go to Bob's Weapons Boutique?" Link asked.

"No. Me and Saria are going to get makeovers." Zelda explained and dragged Link into a salon while Saria dragged Mido into the same salon.

"What are me and Mido supposed to do while you get makeovers?" Link asked.

"Get us some more stuff, of course." Zelda said and walked into the makeover place with Saria.

"We've got some time to kill, it seems." Mido said.

"How about we go to Bob's Weapons Boutique?" Link suggested.

"The girls will spot us in no time flat. We've got to go incognito." Mido said.

"Mido, I am the master of disguises." Link said and took out his 24 masks. He handed the Deku mask to Mido and donned the Zora mask himself.

"What the hell? I'm a Deku! And you're a Zora!" Mido exclaimed.

"Okay. Maybe those weren't the best choices of masks. Take it off and I'll give you a new one." Link said, removing the Zora mask and donning Kafei's mask. He handed the Bunny Hood to Mido.

"There. Let's get going.' Link said. He and Mido walked to Bob's Weapons Boutique.

"Hello sir. Welcome to Bob's Weapons Boutique. We have some new stuff in the back but your bunny friend will have to wait out here with Alphonse." Bob, the burly owner of Bob's Weapons Boutique, said and led Link into the back room of the boutique. Link noticed an incredible sword. It had ancient writing on it and had an aquamarine gemstone on the handle.

"Ah. I see you're interested in the Gibdo Destroyer. It used to belong to my great-grandfather. It has magic powers that make Gibdos and ReDeads cower in fear. Only 100 rupees and your old sword. What a bargain!" Bob explained.

"I'll take it!" Link said and handed over 100 rupees and his Biggoron Sword. In return, Bob handed Link the Gibdo Destroyer. As Link put on his new sword, he noticed a huge shield covered in ancient symbols.

"You're interested in the Sacred Shield. This also belonged to my great-grandfather. It has the ability to cause unholy monsters such as the Stalfos to freeze in their tracks. Only 80 rupees and your old shield." Bob said.

"Your great-grandfather must have been quite the adventurer. I'll take it." Link said and handed over 80 rupees and his Hylian Shield.

"I have a few more belongings of my great-grandfather that I could give to you for free. I have his Pegasus Boots and his Invincible Tunic. They are yours if you promise to take good care of them." Bob said.

"Very well. I'll take them." Link said. He took off his Kokiri Boots and Kokiri Tunic and put on the Pegasus Boots and Invincible Tunic. Link walked back into the main section of the store where he found Mido trying to get Alphonse to sell him some Deku seeds.

"For the last time, kid. We ain't got them here. I'll give yous a bow and some arrows for free." Alphonse offered.

"Hey Alphonse, this guy just traded me this cool sword and shield. Why don't you sell them to his bunny friend?" Bob said.

"Good idea. Kid, for whatever moneys you got, I'll sell you this cool sword and shield. Now you can be a adventurer just like the legendary Hero of Time." Alphonse offered.

"Give you a rupee for it." Mido said.

"Done and done. Enjoy your new stuff, kid." Alphonse said and handed the Biggoron sword and Hylian shield to Mido. The kokiri was strong for his size and was able to lift the Biggoron sword without falling down.

"Oh dodongo dung! Look at the time! The girls are going to kill us!" Link exclaimed.

"Let's get going. Thanks for the stuff, Bob. See you later." Link said. He and Mido dashed off to the salon where Zelda and Saria were waiting for them with **very** angry looks on their faces.

"What were you doing? We've been waiting for you. I swear, we are pissed off beyond belief." Zelda scolded.

"I have an idea." Link whispered to Mido.

"What?" Mido asked.

"RUN!!!!" Link yelled. The two dashed off with the girls chasing them. Of course, they were no match as Link was wearing the Pegasus boots and Mido was wearing the Bunny Hood.

Outside the mall, Link reached for his ocarina and began to play the Minuet of Forest.

"How is a song going to help us?" Mido asked moments before the green light engulfed Link and he was whisked off to the Sacred Forest Meadow leaving Mido alone.

"Oh, you're going to get it now, Mido." Saria said. The two girls began to tickle torture poor Mido.

At the Sacred Forest Meadow, Link went into the Forest Temple and climbed the vines to where he stashed his barbecue.

"It never helps to get ready for the Hot Dog Cook Off early." Link said as he fired up the barbecue.


End file.
